I tell you its tough being a girl first and then a woman. Why is it that way? I have always asked this to myself and never found an answer. First it is the pressure to behave properly as we grow up and then there's pressure to study and then there's presure to get married. While going through that, the alliances we get are a mixed variety. Some want the girl to stay home and take care of the family while others want the girl to work out and share the finances with her husband and there's other kind of people who want the girl to be capable enough to take care of both.
There are people who want to see so many things in the bride but they forget that there's groom too who needs little attention atleast. Then there is pressure to take things and not revert back at in-laws place, no matter how bad they are. I have been lucky here. I'm married into a lovely family though. My husband has a younger brother and me being the only girl in the family, they treat me like their third kid and pamper me a lot. Here I'm talking about those people who are pressurised from both the in-laws' and the parent's side to behave well though they have nothing wrong on their side.
Then comes the actual thing which nobody escapes, whether it be love marriage or arranged, good in-laws or bad - the pressure to have BABIES. I dont understand why is it so important to have kids at the specified time? I mean is it so important to have kids just when you are one year or two years into marriage? Is it not for the wud be parents to decide as to when they would want to have kids? Are they ready for the responsibility or not?
I understand that parents want us to have babies so that they can see them and spend time with them. But is it necessary for us to go by the same norms as they did? Once the kids are out, the grand parents dont want to take care of them, not even for an hour. Then they start saying " the parents are so irresponsible, they want to leave the kids on us and go out." And if the kids are left at a day care, they start saying, " is it so important for you to work? What's more important for you, the baby or work?" They expect us to leave everything aside, forget about our life and just be with the kids all the time, while they get to play with them whenever they want.
Now, I don't want to sound too much like I'm against the idea of having kids. All I'm trying to say here is that it is for the couple to decide when they want to have kids and not the couple's parents. Parents should understand and let them live their life their way.
Worst part is that, every woman has been there some time but never does she understand that she is putting her daughter or daughter-in-law through the same pressure. May be because she has seen much in her life and doesn't want the experience to repeat in her daughter's or daughter-in-law's life. But this is ridiculous. On the pretext of being cautious, we can't put someone we love through the misery we think is better than what we have already faced.
" R "